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Or perhaps instead of finger massaging your stink hole every time those peppered guts launch into retaliation mode, maybe, just maybe it is okay to go ahead and order the medium heat next time. This ferocious exercise in the calming of the keister is supposed to dull out those receptors in the brain that are responsible for sending pain signals to the back door. It is not humanity that these flaming-hot eats loathe with the enthusiasm of a cranked out dictator suffering from jungle clap. The worst is when a tasty meal from the night before ends up feeling as though you are in the process of giving birth to a litter of jagged razor blades with glass-cutting erections that have been soaked in gasoline. Pro Tip: Keep the bathroom stocked with wet wipes. We must discover enlightenment from the shithouse walls. In some cases, the burning blast of this post-chow brown-out is so devastating that the restaurant responsible for holding the event should probably be charged with a goddamned hate crime.

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Using dry toilet paper during these tumultuous times is tantamount to prison sex.

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Here’s The Simple Reason Why Your Butt Is Always On Fire After A Spicy Meal

Therefore, in order to end the suffering, we must desensitize ourselves to the shit demons that spawn from maintaining this kind of inflamed diet and discover the Buddha that lives in the buttholes of us all. It can be enough lavatory torture to where even the most resolute bar food junkie swears off spicy grub for a day or so. It is not humanity that these flaming-hot eats loathe with the enthusiasm of a cranked out dictator suffering from jungle clap.

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